Wrestling School (w/CHIKARA’s Chuck Taylor, El Hijo Del Ice Cream, & Bryce Remsburg)

Wrestling School (w/CHIKARA’s Chuck Taylor, El Hijo Del Ice Cream, & Bryce Remsburg)


ALL RIGHT. WELCOME TO THE FIRST DAY OF CLASS
HERE AT THE CHIKARA WRESTLE FACTORY. OF COURSE, WE’RE GONNA TEACH YOU ALL THE MOVES…BUT WE’RE GONNA
START WITH THE BASICS. SO CAN I HAVE A VOLUNTEER, GUYS? YOU? COME UP HERE. GIVE HIM A HAND GIVE HIM A HAND. WHAT’S YOUR NAME? UH, GIL. HI I’M KEFFERY. AND THIS GUY HERE IS SUNGLASSES
SANCHEZ AND THAT’S DOCTOR FROYO OF THE FLYING FROGURT BROTHERS I KNOW ALL YOU GUYS THIS IS A HUGE HONOR. WE’RE GONNA START WITH THE INFAMOUS KNIFE
EDGE CHOP, TODAY, YOU READY? YEAH CAN YOU POP THAT SHIRT OFF BOSS? ALRIGHT. HERE
WE GO. YOU’RE GONNA CUP THE HAND. YOU’RE GONNA WAIL ON THE
MEATY PART OF THE PEC WITH FURIOUS RAGE AND IT’S GONNA MAKE A BIG BOOM AND IT’S GONNA
BE GREAT. YOU READY FOR THIS? YEAH TOTALLY ALRIGHT, DR. FROYO, GIVE IT TO HIM. NO. I QUIT. I’M GOING BACK TO COLLEGE. YOU CAN DO THIS IN COLLEGE. SUNGLASSES HAS TWO DEGREES- -PRINCETON ’08. IVY LEAGUE, SON! YEAH, BUT I’M A WUSS. I’LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER. FINE WHATEVER MAN. AS YOU CAN SEE,
WRESTLING SCHOOL IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY. DO WE HAVE ANY OTHER VOLUNTEERS? PICK ME. PICK ME. PICK ME. PICK ME.
PICK. ME. PICK ME. PICK ME. OKAY…AND WHAT’S YOUR NAME? MR. INTENSITY. WE USUALLY DON’T GIVE OUT NAMES UNTIL LIKE
THE 4TH MONTH, SO WHAT’S YOUR NAME? MY NAME…IS MR. INTENSITY. OKAY, BUT LIKE YOUR CIVILIAN NAME…LIKE DRIVER’S
LICENSE. -YEAH. YEAH, YEAH. MY NAME IS…JEREMY INTENSITY. JEREMY INTENSITY? OKAY UH, SO YOU, YOU READY
FOR A CHOP? -OH I’M READY! I’M READY! YOU WANNA GO AHEAD AND UH, POP YOUR SHIRT
OFF THERE? -OH YEAH, YEAH! I’D LOVE TO! UGHHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGHGHHGH UGHHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGHGHHGH (CROWD APPLAUDS) SO UH, SUNGLASSES, I THINK IT’S YOUR TURN. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA OH, YOU GONNA CHOP ME? YOU GONNA
CHOP ME?? YOU DON’T WANNA CHOP ME! HE DOESNT WANNA CHOP ME. CHOP ME. CHOP ME. CHOP ME. CHOP ME. SUNGLASSES: I DON’T HAVE TO CHOP HIM. JEREMY: CHOP ME. CHOP ME. CHOP ME. CHOP ME. CHOP ME. CHOP ME. CHOP ME. HE NEEDS TO LEARN THE APPROPRIATE TECHNIQUE. SO YOU’RE GONNA CHOP HIM. GIVE HIM A CHOP. C’MON SUNGLASSES LETS GO. DO IT! YEAH! WHOOOOOOOO! (BARKS LIKE DOG) AGAIN. DO IT AGAIN. OH. OOWWWOOOOHHHHH. WHOO. WHOO. WHOO. WHOO. THAT’S
ALL YOU GOT? THAT’S ALL YOU GOT!!? THAT’S ALL YOU GOT? PWUAHHHHHHHHHHHH. BUUUUP. HOOP. HOOF. HOOF. HOOF. I DON’T THINK HE WANTS TO… (BARKS LIKE DOG) HE DOESN’T KNOW THE APPROPRIATE TECHNIQUE
YET. GIVE HIM MORE. JUST A COUPLE MORE. I…FAH…YA I LOVE IT! HAH, WHOO. WHOO. WHOO. OOOHHH! OHHH! BRING IT! BRING IT! (CROWD STARTS CHANTING “JEREMY”) HOOOHHH. BRING IT. BRING
IT. BRING IT. BRING IT. BRING IT. BRING IT. SEYAYEAHYAHAHDD HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, AHHOOOWWW.
LEZGOOIT. -THIS GUY’S WAY TOO FIRED UP FOR WRESTLING
CLASS! FSHHH. AAOHWW GOD. DR. FROYO? YOU GIVE IT A GO, GIVE IT A GO- EH, NO. YOU. OOOOOHHHHHH. I’M READY FOR THIS. I’M
READY FOR. (STOMPS) THIS. YOU WANT SOME OF THIS? (CLASS CHANTS FROYO) OWHHOOOOHHHH YEAH! OH YEAH! YOU! YOU GET DOWN! YOU GET DOWN! YOU WANT THIS? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT! DR. FROYO. GUGH! FAH!!!! OKAY HE WINS. I DIDN’T SEE AN EYE POKE COMIN’. BUT HE DIDN’T SEE…. THIS COMIN!!! WHOA WHOA WHOA THAT’S A FOREIGN OBJECT! FOREIGN OBJECT! FOREIGN OBJECT! DID YOU BRING A FOREIGN OBJECT TO WRESTLING
CLASS? NO! NO! NO! NO! WHERE IS IT!?! WHERE IS IT!?! WHERE IS IT!??! NO I DIDN’T BRING A FOREIGN OBJECT. GET THIS OUT OF HERE. YOU GET… FOOH YOU WANT THIS!?!? YOU WANT THIS!?!? YOU WANT THIS!!??! ARGHGHGHGHGHHG
UHPPP OWWWWWOHOHOWW (CROWD CHEERS ON DR. FROYO) YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! (CROWD APPLAUDS) SHUT UP. SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I’LL SEE ALL YOU GUYS….NEXT WEEK… AT WRESTLING CLASS. HEY DR. FROYO? I THINK YOUR KIA’S BLOCKING MY CAR IN. (APPLAUSE).

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